My Own Executive Coach
Uncivil Unrest: Do We Have Civility at Work or Not?
by Barbara Reinhold

DEAR COACH: I'm not generally a complainer, but two friends and I have had it with the anti-Semitic attitudes at work. I'm an administrator at a college that was once a parochial institution, and those sentiments still linger. The college takes off Christian holidays but not Jewish ones. We have to make a fuss every year to get those days off without seeing people roll their
eyes. Recently, I was part of a search committee that rejected a candidate because "he wouldn't fit into the religious culture here." I could barely believe it. Nobody thought twice about saying that in front of me. And important meetings are often scheduled on Jewish holidays, which means none of my group of friends can participate. What's more, I know I'm among the strongest members of my department, yet nobody thinks of offering me a promotion or
some special recognition. I don't know what it would to take to win a lawsuit for discrimination and incivility, but I'm really tempted to try just to teach them a lesson. What do you think?
MARILYN

DEAR MARILYN: It sounds like there's definitely a problem, but I wouldn't choose litigation as my first move, unless you want to be immersed in anger and duress for the next several years. I don't think that wouldbenefit anyone, least of all you and your friends. There is a teachable moment here, and if I were you I'd schedule a low-key group session with the ombudsperson or the director of human resources at your college. Let the ombudsperson know that you've all been experiencing behaviors and attitudes that feel uncivil and noninclusive to you and that you'd like to talk about what kinds of training or community conversations might help create an atmosphere of greater tolerance at the college. It wouldn't hurt to mention this is a goal for the students you're serving as well. You will probably be frustrated by having to play an educative role here, making others aware of how their subtle biases create an unpleasant atmosphere, for you and for others who are different from the norms in other ways. But those awakenings are going on in lots of places. The good news is that people in positions of power, in corporations and nonprofit organizations alike, usually understand once things are pointed out to them, so long as your approach is not aggressive. Fighting fire with fire in cases like these (particularly when most people aren't seeing the smoke yet) seldom gets the desired results of cultural change and increased civility. You'd be much more likely to run into a ton of backlash. You might also want to suggest to the people who agree to work with you that there are some helpful Web sites about civility and inclusiveness. Look at these and see which ones might impact your organization:

Bullybusters.org: A site for the campaign against workplace bullying.

Envisionworks: A site for online consultation about civility issues in the workplace; includes assessment tools.

Society for Human Resource Management

Monster Equal Opportunity

So, Marilyn, unnerving or not, this situation might actually work out well for you in your career. It could position you at the college as a reasonable and sensitive change agent. And it offers you a great lab exercise for becoming more effective in negotiation and problem solving, two of the most prized attributes in organizational life these days. So don't call a lawyer just yet. Instead, think of how to turn this unfortunate situation to everyone's advantage in the long run. Good luck

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