Break Through the Ceilings
by Barbara Reinhold

DEAR COACH: I'm really angry, and I need help figuring out what's happening to my family. I'm a regional manager trying to become a director. Every time I get close, my company hires an outsider, who just happens to be a male Ivy Leaguer like the CEO, to take the position. This just happened for the third time, and I'm not sure I can take it again.

In the meantime, my dad, an engineer who has managed his R&D unit for 15 years, was laid off when his company was acquired by a larger one. Eleven months later, he is now a professional collector of "ding letters." I hate seeing my dad's confidence and hope trickling down the drain.

Is this an inherited flaw my dad and I share, or is the problem larger? What happened to equal opportunity at work? I don’t know which ceiling is worse, the gray or the glass one.

EMILY

DEAR EMILY: I'd say the gray and the glass ceilings are equally infuriating and problematic, because both of them so often involve a terrible loss of confidence for those involved -- and a tremendous waste of talent. We are currently fighting an epidemic of both. The gray ceiling is getting worse as the workforce ages. A man in his 50s who loses his job today has only a one-in-three chance of getting a similar one.

On the surface, the glass ceiling appears to be receding. But when you ask women in corporations about their likelihood of getting to the top, they'll still tell you the climb is harder for them because of the obstacles on the track.

Some of the invisible obstacles are there because of the pernicious lack of family-friendly policies in corporations. Women who dare to try to combine family and career find themselves handicapped in both spheres, because others expect them to be in two places at once. Furthermore, many men and some women higher up on the ladder are still not convinced they want to reach down and lend a hand to the people behind them if they're female.

Whether you're battling discrimination based on age or gender, the strategies are similar. I'd suggest you and your dad consider the following three steps as you search for organizations that are smart enough to be keeping age and gender discrimination in check:

1. Plan and Focus

Identify your target markets, the organizations most likely to need you, and make some educated guesses as to what statements you could make about yourself to prove you are the answer to employers’ most pressing needs.

2. Be Original

What would make this employer want to purchase the skills you're offering? Find out who the hiring people are, where they're going to be and what mediums they respond to. I had a client who found out what conference the hiring executive in a company she had targeted was going to attend, and arranged to sit next to her in one of the sessions. It may take some effort, but it's not nearly as draining as sitting around collecting and alphabetizing your ding letters or staying on in an organization where you'll grow old waiting for the good old boys to take you seriously.

3. Don’t Take “No” for an Answer

Join a support group, go to religious services or workout every day to puncture your anxiety balloon so you can stay on track. Every time you really feel like giving up, ask yourself this question: "Am I asking the right questions of the right people, and should I readjust my goals?" Often, I've seen people adjust the angle of their campaigns just a little bit and have much more success. It's critical not to give up, but it's just as critical to adjust the goals as you go.

So, Emily, make a pact with your dad for the two of you to keep each other on track. There's no reason for either of you not to have the success you're after.

CAREER COACH

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